Not What It Looks Like

Foolishly I still wait
I miss you
The strange comfort you once provided
The loyalty.
Knowing you would return,
perhaps the next day,
the next week
you never left my side.
Holidays, birthdays, celebrations,
we went everywhere together
shared drugs together.
9 years ago you started drifting away,
4 years ago you left me for good – I hope.
Now I fear for your return,
you’ll mess with my emotions,
my head, my heart.
you’ll drag me down once more.
I’m not strong enough to cope with that.
But in a sick way,
I still miss you.


written on 11/7/15

The above…
Not written about an old flame, or new one, but infact about the fear I have my epilepsy will someday return out of the blue.
Yet, for some reason I miss the seizures. Sure you may find that strange but I’m sure others may have felt the same.
My brain hasn’t been kind to me of late – for other matters.

9 years ago I had brain surgery in a hope to reduce my seizures. It worked, yet when medication was withdrawn the seizures broke through. So back up the medication went.
Now 4 years seizure free (Hoorah!)
I am grateful and thankful for all that has been done, but for some reason I miss who I was back then.